Just For TodayThursday, September 08, 2011
It is shortly after 12:00 a.m., on September 8, 2011.
My oldest child is 19 today.
Just for today, I am letting her go.
Just for today, I am giving myself wholly to my firstborn, the man who was the infant that made me a mother.
Just for today, I will attempt not to cry, and my memories of childbirth will not end in tragedy. My memory will be of holding him, and bringing him home- healthy and alive.
Just for today, I will “forget” that not every pregnancy ends in a happily ever after.
Just for today, I will not look at the photos, or go through the box, or smell the clothing. I will leave the dead to bury their dead, while I celebrate with the living.
Just for today I will remember what it felt like to nurse him (oh, how the memories of even my own babies cut me through and through), and it will be a happy memory.
Just for today, I will hide my heart from my sleeve. I will cover my sad eyes. I will laugh and sing with everyone.
Just for today, I will be “normal”.
Just for today, today may be a bit too much to handle, but I’ll be alright.