She Brings Joy

Two weeks ago I wrote THIS article for the Federalist, detailing some ways to help families in perilous situations, or who were facing “crisis” pregnancies.

I’ve continued the list here, with another five ways you can help out. I’m certain I’ll be adding more posts like this in the future, as I currently have at least two dozen helpful ideas to share.

These ideas are more personal than the suggestions in my Federalist article. They’re gifts you would give a close friend or family member.

1) Purchase a gift card for something frivolous.

A card for coffee, a book, or a manicure would be so welcome. Many times struggling parents can't afford simple pleasures, and giving them the ability to indulge themselves reminds them of their importance. We don't just want to help them parent their children, we want to help them reach their full potential as well. Remembering their own unique humanity goes a long way towards establishing the self-confidence needed to succeed.


2) Bring them to church.

This should be obvious. The best way to emotionally support a family is to bring them to the table of the God who created them. Reminding them of the love God has for them, of the care he took in creating their child(ren), and of His vocation for their lives will help them to remain a cohesive family unit.


(This invitation should be extended with the understanding an unmarried couple should not be shamed or chastised, but invited as honored guests. God, along with your pastor or priest, will work on helping them enrich their family life together in a constructive way when the time is right.)

3) Host a family dinner.

Invite them over to share a weekly family dinner with you. I had a friend who did this for me and my son, and it was one of the most beautiful gifts anyone had ever given me. Because of this friend's generosity in inviting me into her family's home each week, my son was given the "cousins" he never had. He was able to experience a house where mom and dad worked together for the best interests of their children. These friends became our extended family and confidants. There's really few people I trust more than I trust them. Our friendship is as strong now as it was 20 years ago.

4)  Babysit.

Offer to babysit -- and pay for a movie date -- for a family whose children are small, and who may not get out that much. Respite time for a struggling family is rare. Caring for children is difficult, and giving mom and dad time to focus on one another as human beings rather than caretakers is so important to the health of a marriage. If mom or dad is single, giving them a little time to be alone can make the difference between feeling like a 24/7 camp counselor and a human being.


5) Invest in their children.

Sponsor their school-aged child's after school activity. There are a whole range of extracurriculars which are out-of-reach for the struggling parent. For younger children, it may be Scouting or a summer team sport. For older children it may be joining the school band (instrument rentals and uniforms can be costly), or playing a school sport. In helping out a child in this way, you also show them you are invested in their future. You care enough to make sure they have the training and connections to fill out the job applications and the life experience to write those college essays.


If you have ever served someone in a novel way which caused you to step out of your comfort zone and make a deep connection with an individual, please let me know so I can add it to my next list.

Why Ben Shapiro Was Invited to The March For Life and You Weren’t 

A personal pro-life ethic may involve any number of issues not traditionally associated with anti-abortion/anti-euthanasia efforts. The Pro-life “movement”, in terms of political activism, however, does have an established platform which is focused on two issues: abortion and euthanasia. This is because ultimately, every single issue which affects human beings could be seen as a pro-life issue, but only two of the issues we fight to make/keep illegal involve actively ending the lives of voiceless, unarguably defenseless, innocent humans.

The reason mainstream pro-life groups don’t often utilize the resources of more progressive pro-lifers is because progressive pro-lifers can’t seem to resist bringing a variety of issues into their pro-life activism for which there are multiple viewpoints.





For example, the following are generally included in the progressive pro-life spectrum:

-expansion of social welfare
-single payer healthcare
-climate change
-social justice movements (BLM, Women’s March)
-capital punishment
-marriage equality
-anti-war efforts

And this isn’t the entire platform. The list of issues they feel should be addressed by the pro-life movement is variable and endless. And that’s fine on an individual basis. When I’m speaking for myself, I’m all over the place in my positions. This is because most of our personal positions rest on both our logic and our emotional responses.

I identify myself as (mostly) Conservative, but I have what would be considered more progressive views on a few of the subjects above- like this. We’re all different people with different ideas of what it means to be pro-life.

As a (mostly) conservative, though, my views on many subjects above don’t align with my more progressive friends & activists. I am virulently opposed to a single-payer healthcare system, for example.... I believe my position against it is more in-line with a pro-life ethic (here’s why ) just as fervently as those supporting it believe their support of it is consistently pro-life.

The difference between conservative pro-lifers and progressive pro-lifers seems to be that because progressives feel these other issues are so vital, they can’t not speak about them. This creates a problem when we’re speaking of large presentations for mixed groups.

The March For Life is a one-platform event, focused on abortion. There’s a reason it’s held in January. Because it’s commemorating the anniversary of Roe v Wade.  It’s not a platform for conservative or liberal ideals.

It’s about abortion.

Those complaining about not having a place at the table don’t seem to get this.

The fact that they continually grouse about it, and focus on what they see as undeserved censure, is part of the problem.

We’re not stopping you.

You’re stopping you.

The March for Life isn’t a rally for open borders or talks about the gender pay gap.

It’s about abortion.

Conservative speakers are not automatically gifted this platform because they’re Republican, or because they hate Democrats, or because they’re bigots. They’re given this platform because they stay on message.

Progressives aren’t often given a platform at events like this because they can’t stay
on message. It’s not because the March for Life hates them. It’s not because conservative pro-lifers can’t accept people who think differently than they do. It’s not because we’re married to the Republican Party (a good portion of conservative pro-lifers are actually libertarian). It’s not because the March for Life organizers hate undocumented individuals, non-binary individuals, or any individuals (they’re pro-life, after all. Just like you, their position is rooted in beliefs about the intrinsic value of all people.)

Ben Shapiro is an *excellent* choice for the March for Life, precisely because when asked about abortion... he focuses on abortion. He doesn’t branch off into why he thinks the welfare state is anti-life, or why he supports the death penalty (unless specifically asked about those subjects).

Every time I’ve seen a progressive pro-life activist speak about abortion, they’ve brought multiple other, loosely related, issues into the equation. This isn’t appropriate for the March for Life- which, incidentally, has never hidden its conservative, partisan viewpoints (yet even they still manage to stay on message.)

Maybe if there was a progressive pro-lifer who could speak on abortion as if it were a one-issue platform (which it is— not one other issue on the progressive platform allows private citizens to legally murder other citizens with no judicial oversight), not pull all of their other social justice ideals into their pro-life activism every.single.time you give them a platform, they would be invited to the table more often.

In addition: the March for Life is largely sponsored & attended by conservatives, church groups, & politically “right” individuals. We’re not going to attend rallies where we’re scolded for our lack of support for political goals of the left. And when you present yourself as the only “consistent” pro-lifers, and share videos about “GOP Jesus”… That’s what you’re doing. We’re not the bigots here. The idea we conservatives just need to be educated on the issues is also insulting to the vast majority of us.

We are educated.

We just disagree with you.

There’s a difference between the two.

The constant display of petulance from liberal pro-lifers about their exclusion from this movement shows a serious lack of introspection. There’s a constant display of outrage from liberal pro-lifers regarding conservative support for Republican candidates who may not be what they consider consistently pro-life.

Maybe if progressive pro-lifers focused more on listening to why conservatives disagree with their solutions to things like border policy and welfare reform, instead of just assuming we’re just inconsistent, or if they stopped asserting their “rights” based on emotional arguments and vilifying a movement which successfully raised up the Pro-Life generation, long enough to actually see us as people and not a monolith, they’d see there’s room for everyone at the table.

We’re closer to ending legalized abortion, in the US, than we have been since Roe v Wade was decided. This evolution was brought about by the Republicans you disparage. While your adherents vote for pro-abortion candidates (because you’ve leveled all social justice issues so they’re on equal footing), we’ve closed thousands of clinics thanks to our conservative legislators.

Expanded welfare isn’t limiting abortion.

Closing clinics is.

To end this: if you want to talk at an exclusively anti-abortion rally, maybe acknowledging that ending abortion is more important than any other issue we face, & separating your anti-abortion efforts from your advancement of a progressive political agenda would be a good start.

This past few weeks we have witnessed horrific acts of terrorism. The culmination of these events was the beheading (or throat slitting - accounts vary) of a Roman Catholic priest in France. In speaking about this with a friend, on social media, I stated:

"I think this is how he would wish to die: truthfully, as horrific as it is, as Christians, we should all wish to die kneeling at the altar. As a Catholic, this would be of the highest honor. We don't teach our children the stories of the martyrs any longer, because we are safe.... 

They need to know Christianity isn't about cute animals on Noah's ark and God gifting you a Ferrari because you tithe. We were literally called to the cross."

I hold this to be a valid truth. We are ultimately called to suffering, not prosperity. 

This was roundly refuted - some were horrified I would take this stance. Yet I hold fast to it. We are not called for wealth and prosperity. We are called to a cross which promises much grief in this alien place. This is a Christianity which most people choose to ignore, in favor of a feel-good religious system which has very little to do with the reality of the faith.

While it may not seem to have anything to do with facing a complicated pregnancy, it has everything to do with it.

As Christians, we are called to do the hard things, even when the world is telling us we must do something else. Even when the world gives us an out, an "easier way". Even when the world tells us the hard things aren't really what God wants for us.

In the decision whether or not to continue a pregnancy after a poor prenatal diagnosis (or after a sexual assault, or even when you just can't afford another child/need to finish school/whatever), the mental anguish of the mother is always posited as the most important issue by those who would encourage her to end her pregnancy. 

I don't agree: the most important issue facing a woman dealing with a complicated pregnancy is whether the child she carries is a human being, deserving of equal rights. If so, then no amount of suffering on the mother's part is grounds for ending a pregnancy.

I generally don't write about "choice" in the matter of continuing a pregnancy with complications. Too many pro-life people out there share their opinions regarding "mother-health" without any regard for the trauma this situation inflicts on its victim (whether they choose termination or not). There's an anguish which many pro-life persons choose to ignore when a baby has been diagnosed with a life-limiting condition. Women who choose life in these circumstances are often put on pedestals, without any regard to the real pain they are feeling.  I've also always chosen to avoid even the slightest hint that the choice to continue a pregnancy may be done as some sort of "martyrdom", because this only fuels the pro-choice fires on this subject, making it all about a mother allowing her child to suffer for her benefit.

My focus has always (and I believe, appropriately) been on the rights of the child as an individual human being. As such, any ulterior motive on a mother faced with this situation is irrelevant. In other words, because the child is an individual, a mother's choice isn't part of the equation.

But today, I'd like to focus solely on mom. 

When we learned our Beatrix would not live for very long after birth, even my pro-life husband gave me the "out" of termination. I've heard stories of ministers and priests telling mothers it would be acceptable for a woman to end a pregnancy where an anomaly is detected. Many major church bodies have exceptions to their abortion stances.

All of these exceptions, personal and religious, are given in hopes of lessening the grief of a mother -- a mother who instinctively understands her place as her child's ultimate protector, and a mother who will grieve just as deeply (if not more deeply) when she terminates her pregnancy.

All of these exceptions are given in an effort to help women avoid the hard things. 

But is this what we are supposed to be doing? 

Are we, as Christians, called to avoid the hard parts of life? And honestly -- when does ending a pregnancy ever help women avoid the hard parts? 

When we direct the destruction of an innocent human being how is it ever a good thing?

As pro-life as I am, I'm not even arguing against abortion in general here: I'm arguing against Christians encouraging other Christians to abort disabled, preborn children. I'm arguing against Christians encouraging families to eschew the hard parts. 

As Christians, how do we approach the pain of finding out our child's life may be brief? How do we do this hard thing? How do we encourage others to accept this hard thing in their lives, and to understand it will all be to the glory of God? How do we help others see their travails as gifts from a God who invites us to partake in the most intimate of communions with him: the suffering of the cross? 

While I am not trying to make carrying to term some type of saintly activity, I would argue that in bending ourselves to God's alien will in this instance, no matter what the cost to ourselves, we perform the most intimate acts of faith: we partake of the bitterness directly promised to us as believers. We acknowledge the sinful nature of man, and because we choose to honor God with our suffering, we make something beautiful out of it. When we sacrifice our time for someone who has no ability to appreciate it, we are practicing the most blatant charity towards our neighbor.

So why are we so quick to put away the hard things? 

Why are we so quick to bend to the world's opinion that ending our suffering is the ultimate goal?

What if enduring suffering is the goal? What if accepting and cherishing our child, unconditionally, is the goal? 

What if our experience is a gift?

No one says we should seek out painful experiences. 

No one says a woman should like this, or embrace this with no anger or frustration in her heart. 

No one says we should work towards any type of "martyrdom". It doesn't work this way, in Christianity. 

But accepting and understanding our circumstances through the lens of the cross -- this is what Christianity is all about. In accepting the fallacy of the world's ideas regarding frailty and society's propensity to avoid pain at all costs as being the antithesis of what Christ was trying to teach us from the Cross, we come to a richer understanding of what will come to be: a place where there will be "no more death' or mourning or crying or pain" {Rev 4:21}. We come to a richer understanding of this place as a temporary resting place, a stop along the way to our journey home. 

And about this believing in a savior who suffered the hard things -- the hardest thing of all -- taking on the sin of the entire world. He tells me we should always choose to emulate His actions, even though we will never come close to His holiness, and even when our actions lead us to places where we think we don't want to follow. We are not to look to our reward in this life, but the next. We are to do the hard things, and offer them up as sacrifices and present them to His glory alone. 

This, then, is why I believe this priest would have chosen to die at the altar: because he would have understood his life to be a witness to Christ's suffering, and the emulation of this suffering in his own death, will only result in God being glorified. 

This, then, is why I believe Christians should never, ever encourage a woman to choose termination over loving her child to life no matter how long her child lives: because her suffering is a testament to the graciousness of God who carried all of our suffering onto His cross. His pain and suffering ensures her future reunion with her child, and her witness to trusting him can only bring more people to believe in His goodness. 

In both situations, the Glory of God is shown in humbling born of intense suffering. 

This, then, is what it means to be Christian: to welcome the prospect of giving a reason for our hope, no matter the conditions or cost. {1 Peter 3:15}

Third, and finally -- in the past few weeks many still images have come out along with the Planned Parenthood videos. Two of them which have made their way into my timeline are these: {1} and {2} . Note that they are marked very clearly with the notation "no abnormalities". I do acknowledge these to be older examples of procurement requests, however, it would still be accurate to claim that due to the nature of research done with stem cells, unless someone is actually studying a congenital anomaly they aren't going to accept tissue donations from babies like Ms. Lyon's. Tissue with abnormalities simply isn't usable for general research or curative medicinal purposes.