Capture Your Grief, October 2015- All The Rest, Thus Far

Thursday, October 29, 2015

I kept going with the challenge, but stopped posting my photos because I felt it would get a bit redundant. I'll share a few of my highlights, thus far, but I won't bore anyone with all of the details of my mental self-explorations.


While I have a rather large family, these two are the ones I am most responsible for. The big one mopes whenever a camera is nearby, so getting a real photo of him is a rarity these days. The little one can't get enough of a camera nearby, so getting a candid shot of her is a rarity. 

Glow in the woods:

A literal glow in the woods. These steps lead to a stone platform in the woods behind my house, which receives a direct shot of light at sunset. It's a tranquil spot which looks out over my home, where I can sit and watch my {living} children grow.

When I lost my Bea, A Glow In The Woods was such a beautiful place to visit. The first of the many online experiences which connected me to others who were going through the same thing I was going through. My primary source of connection, however, was Facebook. Groups of people who knew exactly what I was feeling, and which I could access instantaneously what ever the time of day or night.

Wave of Light:

My sweet Beatrix. On October 15th we lit our candle for Beatrix Elizabeth, beloved daughter who lived for less than two hours. Enough said on that.

Seasons + Symbols:

I wrote my "season" piece before this challenge began. I'll link that here.

As for an image, however, I do have one favorite seasonal item. When the leaves begin to fall from the trees, Paper Birch leaves litter my yard and driveway. I love seeing the profusion of hearts carpeting my walkway.

Sacred Space:

Home. Where we make cookies and watch movies together. My home is a sacred space. That place where I can retreat and where my daughter is an acceptable topic of conversation.

Self Portrait:
I hate the whole selfie thing. When I do selfie, I have to filter and cover and all sorts of stuff, so this is what you get.
When I look at photos of myself, now, I see the difference in my eyes. I see wariness and age. In this photo I can also see that bit of me which has become hard to hearing other people.

Reach Out:

This is what I give back. A place for parents to find information about Limb Body Wall Complex. A challenge to the status quo that says we all must end these pregnancies. A place to share stories of beautiful, meaningful lives.

And for today:

What Heals You:

This. This place heals me each and every week. I sit and hear the Word, and I receive communion, and I am reminded of the Promise.

I remember that I am not a citizen of this world.

I remember that the life I lead here is just the blink of an eye.

I am refreshed and I leave feeling whole.

I may finish here, or keep from posting the last few photos. Most likely I will return to just writing poorly-written, overly-poetic posts about my daughter -- or alienating posts regarding my views on termination for medical reasons.

I've kind-of bombed out on this writing thing anyways.

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